Relish the Warmth
by elspeth725
Summary: Megumi realizes she needs someone... (one word SAP!)


Relish the Warmth  
  
ByElspeth  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
Disclaimer?! What are you talking about?!! They're mine!!!! All mine!!!! Mwuahahahahahahaha!!! Oh look little green men in white coats oooooooooh.  
  
Sano: ::sigh:: Don't take her seriously minna, she doesn't know what she's talking about. ::drags elspeth away and locks her in the bathroom  
  
  
  
  
  
Loneliness.  
  
'I shouldn't have come.' I can't help but think as I watched them from where I sat on the riverbank. It had seemed like a good idea earlier when Kaoru asked me if I wanted to watch the fireflies with them. But now…I don't know. It's just that nights like this make me feel more than a bit melancholy.  
  
I leaned against the tree I sat under. They looked so happy. I smiled as Suzume squealed joyfully when Kenshin hoisted her over his shoulder. All of them were …Ken-san, Ojiisan, Tanuki-chan, Yahiko…a family. They had tried to get me to join their fun but it didn't feel right. It never had. It was like I was intruding. I somehow feel separate from them. Like a guest, welcomed but not A PART of them. I have always felt that way. But I am not the type of person who worries overly long about such matters. Only, it doesn't really matter that I don't think about it. It's always there in the background.  
  
A reminder, that I was well and truly alone.  
  
"Alone." I say quietly, the word almost tasting bitter. It's like medicinal tea, so sharp and vile that you almost can't stomach it. But you know you have to because it may be the one thing that would save your life. In my case I know I must accept it, simply because it is the truth.  
  
I know it doesn't have to be this way. There are more than enough men who seem willing enough to be a part of my life. But it would be wrong. Not that it wasn't hard not to just give in. It was so easy to just step inside those welcoming arms and allow myself to feel. Allow myself to get trapped in the illusion that the warmth of that embrace could nurture. And that's all it would be…an illusion. A time when everything would feel good and nothing else matters but it also wouldn't be real. It would be so easy to make myself believe in something that doesn't exist. It would be easy and it would also be wrong. But I am human and there are times when I feel that anything is better than being alone.  
  
*It's not that I'm not happy. I have a home, I have friends and I am doing something that I have always wanted to do. But sometimes, everything feels hollow.  
  
And I feel tired.  
  
I think sometimes the others see it. I thought wryly as I noticed Kaoru throw me questioning look from the corner of my eye. But somehow I cannot truly bring myself to admit it. I smile trying to wave away her concern. I may be lonely but I am certainly not giving anyone, let alone Kaoru, the pleasure of knowing.  
  
"Megumi-san? Daijoubo ka?" Kaoru asked, worry evident in her eyes.  
  
"I'm fine, perfectly fine." I answered, trying to wave her concern away with a toss of my hair.  
  
Kaoru looked at my doubtfully.  
  
"I'm fine." I insisted, forcing a small laugh.  
  
"Kaoru-niisan! Megumi-niisan!" Ayame cried, tugging on Kaoru's kimono. "Ken- nii says we can go there to look at more fireflies!!!" She said, pointing towards the distance.  
  
I couldn't help but laugh at Ayame's enthusiasm. "I'm a big girl. I'll be fine right here!"  
  
I held the smile in place as I watched Kaoru let herself be dragged by Ayame, still glancing doubtfully my way. I felt the smile waver once they were out of sight. Alone. I sighed once more, idly toying with a blade of grass.  
  
Loneliness.  
  
"Oi Megitsune!" A deep voice exclaimed, announcing the end of my solitude.  
  
'Sanosuke' I sighed inwardly. He is someone I don't really want to see right now. Something about Sano had always grated on her nerves. He's arrogant, cocky, full of himself, brash, rude… I could go on all day thinking of adjectives to describe him and none of them would be good. It was something about the way he held himself or the way he had an answer to just about everything I can throw at him. He infuriates me. No one has over gotten under my skin like that before and I think that's what scares me the most.  
  
I ignore him, hoping that he'd take the hint and leave me alone. I really wasn't in the mood to trade insults with him now.  
  
"Oi, kitsune!!!" He said loudly, sitting down beside me leaning against the tree. "Where are Jou-chan and the others?"  
  
I roll my eyes. It figures. I waved my hand vaguely in the direction the others took, hoping that he'd just leave me alone.  
  
"Ah" He said, placing his hand behind his head.  
  
I sighed. "Well, aren't you going to join them?!!" I asked bitingly, throwing him a glare.  
  
"Naaah! I don't really wanna chase fireflies around, ya know? So I figure I'll just keep you company!" He replied, smiling that cocky smile of his. "What'cha thinking about anyway?"  
  
"It's none of your business, Tori-atama!" I snapped. I do not need this right now!  
  
"Tsk, tsk. Not so much, kitsune-onna or next thing I know you'll be confessing your undying love for me!!! Among other things…" He replied, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.  
  
"Yeah right!!! You wouldn't know undying love is if it struck you in the face!!!" I couldn't help but shot back.  
  
And Sano being the infuriating man that he is, just smirked at me. "Ah, kitsune, I know a lot more about loving than you think," he drawled.  
  
"Oh please!!! Give me a break!" I muttered.  
  
If it was possible, his cocky smirk grew bigger as he leaned closer. "Well, you could always give me a try to find out ya know!"  
  
I couldn't help it. I lost whatever tenuous control I had over my temper.  
  
"Damn it Sano!!! I'm really not in the mood for this right now. Why don't you just stand on those two big feet of yours, turn your head in the other direction and walk your butt out of here, OK?!" I growled, glaring at him. He looked back at me; I think he was surprised at my outburst. Sano and I may not get along well half of the time but sarcastic banter was more our style not out right shouting. I guess he was expecting me to match wits with him. I just…well tonight really wasn't my night. I break the staring match and look down at my feet, waiting for him to walk away.  
  
"So tell me, what is REALLY bothering you?" He asked in a quiet voice that was uncharacteristic of Sano.  
  
Oh for crying out…. I turned to look at him sharply. "Do I really have to spell it out for you?!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!" I snapped. "There is nothing wrong!!! I merely want to be left alone and not be bothered by a useless sidekick like you!!!!"  
  
He flinched.  
  
Kami-sama, I did not mean for it to come out like that. I sighed and looked back down at my feet. I know there is more to Sano than what is visible. That he isn't as insensitive and boorish as some people believe. I really hadn't meant to insult him. I'm tired of this… "Look…"  
  
"It's just you and me right now, you know?" He began quietly, interrupting what I was about to say.  
  
"What are you blathering about?!" I asked exasperated, watching him from the corner of my eye.  
  
He shrugged. "I meant, we're alone and you don't have to be strong right now."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about!!" I muttered.  
  
"You looked like you've got a problem." He said. "I just wanted to talk and see if I could help. But if ya really don't want to talk about it let's just sit and keep each other company, ok?"  
  
"Fine." I snapped, turning my attention back towards the river.  
  
We sit quietly beside each other for a few minutes, watching the river. I try to go back to that conversation I was having with myself before he arrived but strangely I was distracted. And I couldn't quite summon up the self-pity anymore. I refuse to think it's because of the baka. The thought never even crossed my mind.  
  
A soft rustle of cloth caught my attention. I sneaked a peek at him from the corner of my eye. He had leaned back once more against the tree with his hands behind his head, eyes closed and a small smile playing on his lips. He looked peaceful… it would seem strange seeing that he was an ex- gangster and he walked around with the kanji for evil on his back but looking at him now, it fit. As I started to contemplate him, I turned away sharply, somehow feeling uneasy.  
  
He began whistling softly. It was a simple child's song I have heard many times before. Yet it calmed me. "Look, I'm sorry…" I began, somehow feeling annoyed that I'm apologizing but feeling like I should anyway.  
  
"Nah. 'S ok." He said, interrupting me. "I figured maybe it really wasn't any of my business anyway, ya know?"  
  
I nodded, looking back at the river.  
  
"Oi, Megumi?!" He asked quietly.  
  
My eyes widened. He'd never really called me by my name before. Always, kitsune, megitsune or even onna but never by my name. "Na-nani?" I stammered, turning to look at him.  
  
"Are you happy?" He asked, looking at me intently.  
  
"I...I don't know. I suppose I am." I answer, slightly unnerved by the sudden question. "I mean I have the clinic, friends…"  
  
"No, I mean like the way Kenshin and Jou-chan are happy." He interrupted. "Ya know like… they're contented."  
  
I stare at him. I assume he means the way the Ken-san and the Tanuki-girl looked like they were fairly glowing ever since they admitted their feelings. 'I don't know… I mean they're different. After all that's happened they deserve to be happy."  
  
Something in his eyes flashed. "And WE don't'?!!" He asked sharply.  
  
His question bothered me and that made me angry somehow. "What does a person like you know about deserving to be happy?!!" I snapped back.  
  
He just stared at me, something unreadable in his eyes.  
  
Maybe I shouldn't have said that.  
  
He shrugged. "Maybe I should go look for them, it's getting kinda late." He said, standing up. "But you know Megumi, I'd doubt it if you said that you don't deserve to be happy but that's just me and what do I know, ne? Ja ne!" With a small wave he turned to walk away.  
  
"Matte!" I say softly. I don't' really know where that came from. I just really didn't want to be alone tonight He stopped and looked at me over his shoulder. "Gomen nasai, please sit with me. "  
  
He looked at me for a moment, before nodding. Then sat back down beside me and looked at me intently. "Look, I don't really know what you're thinking or feeling or what's bothering you. In fact you might say I don't know much of anything, but what I do know is that you are a woman worthy of admiration and respect. I see you every day and I can't help but think how brave and dedicated you are to your work. And even if there are people who don't believe you can make it, or so many things that you think you can't handle, still your courage never failed. And I guess what I'm trying to say is that if there's anybody who deserves to find happiness in her life well it would be you."  
  
I stared at him, surprised. I never thought he held me in such high regard, much less admit it to me. And his words reached deep into my soul and warmed me.  
  
He moved closer holding my surprised gaze with the intent stare of his clear brown eyes. There was something there, an unspoken emotion that somehow made me blush and uneasy. He leaned closer and murmured, " And if ever you realize that and you still feel alone or sad or anything… well…." He trailed off, tilted my chin and pressed his lips to mine. I sat there shocked, immobilized by the strange warm feeling that coursed through me. I felt strong warm arms wrap around me and I struggled to control the shivers that ran down my spine. This wasn't supposed to be happening, He isn't… I lost that train of thought as I felt his soft lips press harder against mine in silent entreaty. I leaned unconsciously into his embrace, relaxing against in his arms. I let out a soft breath parting my lips against his. My body was bombarded with intense and overwhelming emotions when I felt his tongue slip past my lips, deepening the kiss.  
  
It felt wonderful. It was warm, and sweet and wonderful. I moved my hands behind his neck, hesitantly returning the caress. I shifted closer to him, somehow anxious get close to him.  
  
He released me, almost unwillingly letting out a small sigh of disappointment when he moved back. We looked at each other for a moment. Finally he looked away. "Megumi, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."  
  
I felt a small smile play on my lips as I watch the slight flush that suffused his cheeks. "Maybe I should have just thrown you in the lake, ne?!" I asked, smiling mischievously.  
  
He looked at me for a moment, unsure. Then he laughed. I decided then and there that I liked the way he laughed. It was warm, loud and uninhibited. And you can't help but smile back.  
  
"Nah, I kinda like this." He said cockily, drawing me back into his embrace.  
  
"Baka!" I murmured fondly, resting my head on his shoulder, content to just stay there and feel his chest rise and fall with every breath. I feel his hand run through my hair and I shiver slightly when I felt his soft breath against my neck. Somehow, right then in his arms I felt peaceful. I let out a soft contented sigh.  
  
"Oi busu!!!! Maybe it was better if you didn't come! I think your ugly face scared the fireflies away!!!" Yahiko's loud voice broke the peaceful quiet.  
  
Sano pulled back at the sound of Yahiko's voice, a slight blush tingeing his cheeks. Somehow, I know that I was just as flushed. We looked away, busying ourselves with dusting imaginary dirt from our clothes.  
  
"I did not!!! And don't call me busu!!!" Came Kaoru's angry retort.  
  
"I will call you busu if I want to, BUSU!!!!" Yahiko shouted back as they appeared from beyond the river bend. Yahiko and Kaoru were still bickering even as they approached. Kenshin trailed closely behind murmuring "maa maa" at the two. Ayame and Suzume ran after him with exuberant calls of "Ken- nii! Ken-nii!" leaving behind Genzai-sensei and Tsubame who brought up the rear.  
  
There was a loud noise as Yahiko crashed into the tree that Kaoru threw him against. I couldn't help but bite back a small laugh. It was ironic really, I was feeling really light-hearted when moments before I was wallowing in self-pity.  
  
Sano caught the soft sound and grinned at me. "Jou-chan packs a mean punch, ne? Poor Kenshin!!" he said, mock wincing.  
  
"Oi, Sano!!" Kaoru said as they neared. "I didn't know you were here already. You didn't get to catch any fireflies!"  
  
"I didn't see you catch any fireflies, BUSU!" Yahiko taunted.  
  
"Well neither did you, Yahiko-CHAN!!"  
  
"Maa maa."  
  
Sano just grinned, stood and offered me a hand to stand up. I smile back, relishing the warmth of his hand.  
  
And as Yahiko and Kaoru started bickering about fireflies and Ayame and Suzume started dancing around Ojiisan, Sano turned his attention to teasing Tsubame, who was standing quietly on one side. I watched him, with his hands in his pockets and a mischievous expression on his face. One word came to my mind….  
  
Maybe.  
  
Yes, Maybe.  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Gah!!! Finally I finished this!!!!! It took me weeks!!!!  
  
I feel like I went off somewhere. And there's something wrong. So if someone can spot anything let me know, k?!  
  
Tell me what you think!!!  
  
Ja!  
  
Elspeth 


End file.
